Jane of all trades #quarantinelife

Jane of all trades #quarantinelife

“I am not superwoman. The reality of my daily life is that I’m juggling a lot of balls in the air….and sometimes, some of the balls get dropped” – Cherie Blair 

What an interesting time we have found ourselves in. Don’t you agree?

The COVID-19 pandemic is engulfing us; changing our every day lives – how we move, with very little notice. I’m sure I speak for a lot of people when I say that all of this is overwhelming and is making me quite anxious. Thank God for alcohol Zoloft to balance me out.

Like many other working parents, I went from being a full time working mom to being a full-time teacher, nurse, daycare provider, broken record, playmate, and a referee. Literally, overnight. All of this while still teleworking every day!

Read on to see how my first week of quarantine life went.

Teacher

One of the things that makes me the most anxious about this pandemic is that the Superintendent of Maryland has been taking longer than desired to make the call on how long school closures will extend. We went from closed until March 27th to April 24th and now I’m just not so patiently waiting for them to make the call to cancel the remainder of the school year. We already know it’s coming. I say she just makes the call and gives us parents one less thing to worry over.

With each call, there are so questions that arise and the longer we wait, the more concerned I become about my 3rd grader’s very precious education. Because let’s face it, I am NOT cut out for this homeschool life. 🙅‍♀️ There are only but so many Common Core math worksheets, reading comprehension problems, cello practices, art projects, and other random educational shit we can do before we both start “hating” each other.

My oldest recently asked me if he has to be homeschooled for the rest of the school year. I said “Yes! This ain’t summer break, so don’t go thinking you’re going to be sitting around playing on your iPad and Nintendo Switch all day. And best believe I’m going to let your dad know the same when you go back to his house! You need to be learninggggg. Trust me, I don’t want to be doing this s*it with you either”. He just looked at me like I was crazy and walked away. 🚶‍♂️🤷

Nurse

My youngest came back from his dad’s house with a cold. Don’t worry, it’s nothing more than the common cold. An incessant runny nose, to be exact. I spent the last week cleaning snot every hour and chasing my toddler around trying to get him to take his cold meds. My favorite part of being an in-home nurse? Aside from trying to avoid getting sick myself? Getting to use my best wrestling moves to pin his arms and legs down while I use the dreaded NoseFrida. Trust me when I tell you, that thing is the truth. Once you get past the idea of sucking snot out of your child’s nose (no, it doesn’t actually get in your mouth), you’ll wonder how you survived this long without it.

Anyways, my poor guy acts like he’s being tortured (drama KING) and whenever I start clearing out his nose, he starts crying out “where are you, mommy? Mommy where are you?!” Imagine this: me sucking out his snot with this modern-day contraption while he cries out for the one person who is “torturing” him. Trust me, kid, I’ll tell you like I told your brother “I don’t wanna be doing this s*it either”. 🤪

Daycare

My youngest son’s daycare was open last week, but because he has a cold, he wasn’t able to attend (better to be safe than sorry). So that left me with running “mommy daycare” too. From coming up with activities to keep him busy, attempting reading with him (he prefers his books thrown), and planning out lunchtime, playtime, nap time, and snack time – I’m whooped.

After this week, I just have so much more respect for teachers and daycare providers. All it did was further confirm that, again, I am NOT cut out for this stay-at-home-mom life. Kudos to y’all! And to think, this was only the first week! The latest directive states that Maryland has ordered all childcare providers to close until further notice. God help me/us. 🙏🏻

Playmate

The “wonderful” thing about having a toddler is that they have endless energy. Like, how does so much energy in such a tiny person even exist? 🤔 Of course, when I’m in the midst of doing something (working, participating in a virtual meeting, cleaning the kitchen for the 3rd time of the day, taking a shower, etc) he wants to play, play, play! His version of playing usually involves dumping his entire toy bin on the floor, building, then breaking and throwing his legos around – just to leave it for me clean later.

So I, working mother of two kids and a hyperactive dog, do not have enough energy nor imagination to keep him busy. But I must admit, it is awfully cute & a little irresistible when he says “Mommy, come play with me” 🥰 I find myself getting down on the floor with him to play and then cursing myself later after for getting caught in his trap. Fortunately, his desire to play with me is usually short-lived. His imagination is wild and expansive so he usually wanders off and plays with his imaginary friend. I just hope his “friend” sticks around through the entire quarantine period. 

Broken Record

This should be self-explanatory. I have never repeated myself to my kids as much as I have over the last week. What in the actual hell is happening? Is there an echo in here?? 👂 I think it’ safe to say that they are intentionally ignoring me – that or they’re going deaf. Either way, this mama’s tired of sounding like a broken record. I’m about to start writing my daily repetitive statements on index cards and pin them up throughout the house. 📝📌

Referee

Ah, siblings. What a love/hate relationship my boys have. They’re about (7) years apart, but they fight like they’re (2) years apart. Last week, I found myself yelling at them more than usual and breaking up frequent arguments/fights. 🗣️ Jaxson is feisty as hell and he brings that side out of my oldest, who is usually (thankfully) mild-mannered. Often times, it’s Jaxson who starts the bickering by throwing things at his brother or randomly hitting (and by hitting, I mean smacking) him simply because he looked at him. 🤦‍♀️ My oldest has now started retaliating and intentionally picking on his brother and while I’m usually laughing on the inside, I’m most definitely over their pettiness.

Employee

Take all of those roles above and wrap them up (it doesn’t have to be neat). The bow would be my actual, paying, job. While others may be fortunate to treat their quarantine time as a vacation, I actually have to work and, holy shit, working I’ve been doing. 🥴 I didn’t realize the downfall of having the ability to telework until we got shut down. I couldn’t do this every day. However, the show must go on. I have to make sure everyone still gets paid during this time, so I just do what I gotta do. But I’d much rather be playing Animal Crossing: New Horizons, catching up on my shows, and drinking alcoholic beverages. 🎮🍹

Anyways, I hope everyone is staying safe and healthy during this time. My boys are with their dads for the week so I have a break from juggling all of these trades. I miss them like hell, but I’m using this time to work uninterrupted, decompress, and do things around the house that I usually can’t get around to when they’re with me. Stay safe, stay home, and wash your hands ⚠️

.xo.